ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
