I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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