can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
