Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
