You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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