someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
