He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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