i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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