Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
