dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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