So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
