dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
