Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god it's open bar.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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