I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
