when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
