Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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