You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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