I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
