You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
