as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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