did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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