There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just threw up on my dentist
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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