you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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