he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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