he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
