i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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