I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
