new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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