I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize