we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
