in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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