i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize