Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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