ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
