i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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