woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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