she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
im on a boat
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