I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
