just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
