and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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