My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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