I just pynch a tree in the face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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