There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
