Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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