She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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