It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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