she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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