Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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