I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
