Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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