youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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