Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
