we have officially lost it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize