Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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