the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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