Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
