Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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