thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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