1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
