My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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