Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
